Still Flying High

I'm still flying above the clouds. I did homework. Life is good.

I'm **THIS** Excited!

I'm a college student. I finished my first official night of class. I feel like the life of the party that is my own life today.

I'm this excited.

Only 207 weeks to go.

Live Life

I saw these guys on my walk this morning. A duck couple finding their delicious breakfast just under the surface of their pond. They were bottoms up more than they were upright. Focus. That's what I thought of.



Tomorrow I start school. I'm going after what I want. I'm anxious. I'm excited. I'm nervous. And all of those things are fine. I am going to try and stay focused on my goal.


My goal is living my life. It's the only one I've got to live. Wish me luck!

Seattle in the Fall

is very beautiful

Scrapbook Expo

I went to the Scrapbook Expo yesterday in Sacramento. It takes over the Convention Center once a year. Women come from all over to converge on a weekend of shopping, chocolate, and scrapbooking. My mom and I usually go for a "crop night". It consists of 6 continuous hours of scrapbooking mayhem.

I'm STILL working on my book from my trip to Paris last year. I keep thinking I'm done with it, and then I realize I've left out some important set of the photo journal I have.

Last night I added a few more pages, "Guy at the olive store" and "Street Musicians" and "Arc du Triumph".....and I actually think I'm done. It's only taken me 18 months! But I'm proud of it. It's a beautiful reminder of a trip of a lifetime!

Long Week

How will I ever be able to go back to 5 day work weeks? I've been on furloughs for only a few months and have fallen into the rhythm it offers. Monday through Thursday.

It was a really hard week, busy and stressful at work. And now it's Thursday night and all I want to do is take a nap until the pizza guy gets here.

Happy Anniversary???

Today is my 28th wedding anniversary. Or was. Does it still count if you aren't actually married anymore? And the groom has started to tick away years with a new bride? Probably not. I won't be expecting a gift.

I made it legally through 23 years. Which is a really long time, and I'd like some credit for having made it that far considering who I was married to. I don't want to count the "anniversary" of the d-i-v-o-r-c-e (I spell it when I don't want myself to know what I'm talking about). Don't get me wrong, my divorce was coming at me like a tsunami. It was sort of like getting in a barrel 100 feet upstream from a waterfall. We were WAY TOO young (we met when I was 14). We were emotionally stunted and immature. We were completely clueless what do to about it all. 23 years was quite an achievement, to be sure.

I'm adjusting well to being divorced. I finished raising my children. I'm doing well at my job. I'm living alone for the first time in my life. I'm enrolled in college to get the degree I've always wanted. I just can't talk myself into forgetting the good times. We had some really good times. We were funny together. We were adventurous and daring. We were young and limber. We had spunk and spirit. We were best friends for 27 years. I truly love this person.

So even though my groom called the game, I'm going to celebrate the good times today. I'm going to remember the special moments and be grateful for my children and enjoy the peace and quiet that comes from no longer having your life head toward a waterfall.

Still Feeling Prickly

Something to Say

I usually do. Have something to say, that is.

I'm struggling to stay in the blog game.

I'll keep trying. Maybe I need to spend more time thinking of interesting things during the day?

Maybe it will improve my perspective in the process.

In the mean time, here's a picture of a cactus I took earlier this summer. Looks like Mickey Mouse to me.

Empty Nest

My youngest child moved out of the house on Sunday. He's flung himself out of the nest into the big, scary world alone.

He's struggling to make a life for himself. He's struggling to feel like a man and be successful in his own eyes. And he's trying to do it all today. Instant gratification. He doesn't want to believe there's a natural order to a life well lived.

I have tried to explain these things. This has not had an immediate impact on his choices. It may in the future. I have hope that my efforts have not been wasted.

I wish things were happening in a different order. I wish circumstances were different. I wish growing into a man didn't require such deep struggle against one's own self. I wish we didn't all need to battle our own demons.

But we do. And he does. And I'll bake him cookies when he needs to come back and tell me all about it.

Favorite Part of Fall

I love fall. The air turns crisp. The leaves start to turn vibrant colors. I can get my sweaters out.

School Starts.

But you know what one of my most favorite things about fall is? You may be saying, no Elaine, what? Is it little pumpkins?

Nope.

Is it your new fall tablecloth you bought at the Wal-Mart?

Nope.

Is it strawberry Indian corn? Or the way it all comes together for a fall table scape?











Nope! (Did you just say TABLESCAPE?)

One of my favorite parts of fall is this:


BUYING CANDY CORN IN BULK AT WIN-CO!

Letters From Home

Vermont in the fall compares only to Paris in the Spring. I thought about you today. I went to the Arts Festival at the Convention Center. I had to bribe the kid with a cheeseburger at Nationwide Freezer Meats to go with me.

The Arts Festival made me think of you and I wished you were there showing your fabulous paintings. Although, I think it's closer to the dream for you to be in Vermont on this evening. I saw the Arts Festival on the website of Judith Monroe, whom our friend takes art lessons from, and thought it would be fun to go see her stuff. There were lots of things there that I would have purchased if I were made of money, which I am not. We know this because if I were, I would be in Vermont.

I have been working on my contentment issues. I cancelled a date I had with a person I met on an internet dating site. He reminded me of a cross between my ex-husband and my nere-do-well second cousin-in-law, which almost zorched my psyche altogether. He called snow "the white shit" and wore a tank top. Two clear red flags that I heeded immediately.

Unfortunately, my progess on contentment issues has not prohibited the use of alcohol and I am again drinking alone. Only 2 beers per day, but still, it's 3 days in a row and the 6 pack is gone. This cannot be a good sign, even for those not gifted in math. How many times in a row can a person watch "Under the Tuscan Sun" anyway?

I am sending prayers and good thoughts your way.

LOVE!
E

One Day At A Time

Dating: I don't know how to do this. Some say you have to actually leave the house to experience dating. I'm still thinking about this. I think that dating is a serious matter. The reason for dating would be to see if two people are compatible for marriage. Otherwise, you're just hanging around with a friend.

Internet dating: I don't know how to do this. I've been trying it out a little. But, here we go with the serious matter thing. It feels very unnatural to me. How can I know if I want to date someone if I don't even know them. I would prefer something more organic. You know, stumbling across someone at a photography class, or bumping into someone during my lunch break in the park, talking, getting to know one another, then deciding if we would like to start dating. But I'm not bumping into single men who are even remotely interested in being friends with me, let alone dating me. Why is that? Statistically speaking, at my age I'm more likely to be killed by a terrorist or struck by lightening than to get married. It's hard to look forward to being attacked by a terrorist, but I seem to have no trouble hoping I'll be desired as a marriage partner some day. The trouble comes from the impatience for this desire to come true.

Spontaneous Relationship: I don't know how to do this. I mean, I THINK I know, but it's not happening and I'm inclined to interpret this as lack of skill. I'm active, engaging, well groomed, and quick to smile. This doesn't seem to be attracting anyone of the opposite sex. It's confusing to me.

Picking Up Strangers: I don't know how to do this. Nor do I want to learn. Period.

Contentment: I am learning how to do this. This is a key to a peace-filled life. Whether I'm married or not. Whether I'm employed or healthy or acheiving my goals or not. Being content with what is true in my life. Moving toward the desires of my heart. Moving toward God.

Living My Life: I am learning how to do this. One day at a time.