Can We Talk?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in a perpetual mid-life crisis. Or maybe my crisis is just going to last all through the middle of my life. That would be bad.

There has to be more to life. More than I currently experience.

But I can't seem to access the parts of life that I think would make me happiest. I can't go backward in time to relive the seasons of my life that were so very satisfying and comforting.

I can only go forward. Well, actually, I also have the option to stagnate. Which has been my current mode of operation, but it's far less than satisfying and I'm afraid I can't continue to choose it.

This is my dilemma. I don't need a new hobby. I don't need a new hairdo. A new outfit would help, but not until I lose this extra 20 lbs. that caught up to me during this latest bought of stagnation.

I need to chose a new path for this newest season of my life. But I don't have the platform for change that I would have hoped for at this point of my life. I'm divorced. I'm empty-nesting. I haven't have a date in 30 years. I live in a dingy apartment under a suburban freeway. I spend most of my life's energy working a job that has absolutely nothing to do with who God created me to be.

I can dream of a different life, but at the end of the day, I'm the only one here to pay the rent and buy groceries and there's no time left to work at the dreams of a different life. There's no one coming along beside me to help me work out the details. I'm not even sure what details I should be working on.

I'm stranded in my own life.