Can We Talk?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in a perpetual mid-life crisis. Or maybe my crisis is just going to last all through the middle of my life. That would be bad.

There has to be more to life. More than I currently experience.

But I can't seem to access the parts of life that I think would make me happiest. I can't go backward in time to relive the seasons of my life that were so very satisfying and comforting.

I can only go forward. Well, actually, I also have the option to stagnate. Which has been my current mode of operation, but it's far less than satisfying and I'm afraid I can't continue to choose it.

This is my dilemma. I don't need a new hobby. I don't need a new hairdo. A new outfit would help, but not until I lose this extra 20 lbs. that caught up to me during this latest bought of stagnation.

I need to chose a new path for this newest season of my life. But I don't have the platform for change that I would have hoped for at this point of my life. I'm divorced. I'm empty-nesting. I haven't have a date in 30 years. I live in a dingy apartment under a suburban freeway. I spend most of my life's energy working a job that has absolutely nothing to do with who God created me to be.

I can dream of a different life, but at the end of the day, I'm the only one here to pay the rent and buy groceries and there's no time left to work at the dreams of a different life. There's no one coming along beside me to help me work out the details. I'm not even sure what details I should be working on.

I'm stranded in my own life.

Celebration Cobbler

I'm back on my game. I went for a long walk this morning. I went to mom's for lunch. I took a trip to the grocery store and I was quietly happy inside when the Pina-Colada Song came on the radio on the way home from WinCo. And I don't even like the radio. Or WinCo.

It's just so good to feel good.

It's also good to swallow. Swallowing is SO underrated.

I have been craving so many things since the onset of my liquid diet. In honor of "Elaine-Can-Swallow-Without-Excruciating-Pain Sunday" I decided to make a peach cobbler.

Life is good.

Pampered Chef Treasure Hunt

I just got back from yet another Pampered Chef party. I actually haven't been to one in a quite a while, but it's a virtual treasure hunt to find a Pampered Chef product (that I can actually afford) that I don't already have.

After much contemplation and a lemon drop martini, I selected the large micro steamer. Only 4-6 weeks until I can zap my veggies in plastic.

Well, I can probably do that today, but it won't look as cool.

Memoir of an Agoraphobic

After 7 days indoors, I left the house today. I got in my car and went on an out of town errand.

It felt good.

It's good to be off the pain meds. My head has been so foggy these past days.

I have learned a few important things about myself during this time of recovery.

• I don't chew my food very well. I really need to work on that.

• I eat a lot of bread. I crave it. I haven't been able to have bread-like things, they're too sticky to swallow. But I crave it. All the time. Toast, donuts, waffles, muffins. The list goes on and on.

• My weight problem might be due to the amount of bread-like products I eat. I won't elaborate, you've seen the list.

• I don't enjoy spending days on end in the house. I'm way too active to be laying around all day.
• I hate sugar free jello. I can't believe I bought it. If you've never tried it, don't.

I'm glad to be on the mend. I'm free at last!

Come On Get Happy

Now, if this were an actual blog, I would be giving some of these little pearls away. But it's not. Sorry. But I wanted to introduce you to the friend I've been bonding with this past week.

It's a Martha Stewart pom-pom throw from Macy's. My mom bought it for me for Christmas last year. She actually bought it for me and let my son give it to me, which made us all happy.

I just love it. It's super soft. It's the perfect weight. The pom-poms make me happy just looking at them.

I think I might need to get out of the house soon.

Confessions of a Hugh Grant Fan

I've been watching movies on my lap top during my recovery. I usually enjoy art house films, docu-dramas, regular dramas, and the occassional romantic comedy. Yesterday I tried to watch one of my foreign film selections from Net Flix. It's almost impossible to read subtitles while lying on your side hopped up on Darvocet. They were speaking in French and I couldn't catch a single word.

I'm not a film snob. Not by a long shot. But I enjoy a certain amount of intelligence in a film.

Except for this one area. I love Hugh Grant. I know. But I do. It's not just the Darvocet talking.

I think his characters are cute. I think his characters are funny. I think his characters look like fun to be around. Notting Hill, Two Weeks Notice, Love Actually, About A Boy.....I love Hugh Grant Movies.

Please don't tell anyone. If you do, I'll deny it.

So This Is How It Begins....

You know those people who lay in bed and get so fat they have to be removed from their house with a crane?

I might now understand how they get started down that road. They have their tonsils out. Then they lay in bed for days on end while people bring them whole roasted chickens and plates full of pancakes.

Only my people will only bring me broth and jello products. I may not be able to get really fat on that diet. I do, however, need some sort of protein. All the sugar and all the pain meds are weighing on me. I thought I would wean off the prescriptions today and try just taking extra strength Tylenol. It was a mistake and I'm off the wagon tonight.

I wonder if arguing with the dog over which TV show to watch is a sign of cabin fever?

At any rate, here I am, lying in bed with this monkey on my back, trying to slurp down another tubette of jello with a Gatorade chaser.

I'm not on track for the miraculous recovery. I'm going to have to settle for the speedy recovery instead.

The Tonsils Have To Go

The tonsils are leaving my throat in a blaze of glory tomorrow at 7 AM Pacific Standard time.

Good riddance to the slimey little trouble makers.

I'll be back full of narcotic pain killers in the afternoon.

Another Successful Pizza Night

Abandonment

It's an unfortunate recurrent theme in my life.

But this time it's not about me. It's about the photography class I'm taking. It's more of a creative group. We will only have 2 classes and 2 field trips. We did some brainstorming during the first class. Then 2 field trips. Then we'll share the results. It's fun.

We went to an abandoned city on Saturday. I'm definitely a beginner photographer. But here are some of the shots I got that say abandonment to me.

Tattered curtains. Neglected wood. Pink paint faded from forgotten dreams.

Worn out walls that once held learning and faith.

Windows that looked out on bright skys and better days.

Forgotten places of days gone by.

Hopefully that wasn't too depressing.

Salvaged Dessert

I did some catering this weekend.


Not really, but I like the way that sounds. I did make some treats for two outings with friends this weekend. Friday night was Concert in the Park. The final concert at the local community park this summer. I made sandwiches on ciabatta rolls, corn and avocado salsa with chips, ice cold beer, and jumbo chocolate chip cookies for dessert. Since I was the only one of my friends attending both outings, and I was the only one bringing the food, I cheated and did a repeat for a Saturday photo class field trip, minus the beer.




These little beauties were intended to be the darling of the weekend. Jumbo chocolate chip cookies with pecan hunks. I had trouble with these from the beginning. I left the bag of chocolate chips on the counter while I ran the dishwasher. Heat and chocolate. You can see where this is going. I saved them with a little refrigeration and muscle.



You drop them onto the cookie sheet with a 1/4 cup scoop. They're big, yummy cookies. I got the recipe from my friend JoAnne. Hers turn out crispy on the edges and soft and yummy in the center. I didn't have such luck. Mine were doughy in the center. So I left them in longer. Then they were crispy in the center and like granite on the edges. Seriously. They could take out that fragile molar you have in the back. They could loosen your veneers.


Geez. I had to present these at 2 outings. These were the finale. Both times. Crud.


I called them Disaster Cookies. I could only get rid of 2 of them. But they were so beautiful and stuffed full of delicious ingredients. I couldn't disgard them so easily.


Then this morning, in a moment of brilliance.......



Introducing........Chocolate Chip Biscotti.

I'm both creative AND beautiful.

What Is This?

Some sort of ancient relic, I suppose. A depository for unwanted pizza coupons and carpet cleaning flyers.

These days I don't even get my electric bill in the mailbox. All my bills come online. Occasional birthday cards bearing birthday funds come in the post. Those are mostly for my kids, though. They're too quick now and I can't even get to the money first anymore.

Maybe I've lived in the city too long, but there are no longer mailboxes like this in my neighborhood. I haven't had a mailbox like this in 10 years. Everyone has a lock box located about every 10 houses. Remember the little flag? It let the mailman know he should stop even if he wasn't going to deliver an overdue library book notice to you. Again. It was quaint. Nowadays people steal your outgoing letters if you give them a signal that you've left them unattended on the street. (Did I just say nowadays? Geez I act old these days.)

I'm not really lamenting the lack of metal mailboxes. I just thought this was a cool picture. I still get my Netflix and the PG&E knows exactly where to find me.

No Caffeine....remember?

I'm off caffeine. Well, I'm not addicted to it any longer. I will still have a caffeinated beverage every now and again, but it bothers me. Makes me jittery. Keeps me awake. I know these things. I've tested it over and over. It's caffeine. I shouldn't have it.

Last night I went to Whole Foods with a friend for dinner. I was having some trouble with the salad bar. The dressings need help there. Far be it from me to try and educate the people at Whole Foods, they've figured out how to get me to pay $7.99 a LB for salad, so they're apparently much smarter than I am.....but their dressing area needs some serious help.

Anyway, I went to the coffee bar to get a napkin (dressing fingers) and the nice gentleman behind the counter pushed a very large frozen whipped mocha-ccino toward me and said "you want this?" I must have had a "look" on my face, because he quickly added, "no strings, you can just have it" He was training and this was practice and he didn't want it to go to waste.

My lucky day.

Now, the caffeine issue is real, but so was that whipped cream all over the top of it. I quickly said "SURE!!"

As I was walking away, he called out "Oh, and it has 4 shots of espresso..." under his breath.

It was 7 PM. I know better.

I got 2 small cups and shared it with my friend. I drank about 4 sips and I knew I was making a big mistake. I gave the rest to my friend, who either doesn't have a problem with caffeine or doesn't like to sleep.

Guess who was up at 11 last night? Wide awake. My lucky day. Then I drank 3 beers. I'm at an all-time high with my weight and I've been blaming middle age. You would think I could retrace my steps to 5 minutes ago and figure this one out. But I don't.

I'm wearing a new top today. It has a ruffle around the bottom. I look like a hippo in a tutu. I'm blaming the caffeine.

You Be The Judge

Notice anything missing? Yeah. The Captain has left the Platoon.

This is the long-running family dispute. Who has better looking feet? You can be the judge.

My cousin suffered a terrible electrocution accident that almost ended his life. It was truly horrible. He truly suffered in many ways. But his incredible personality draws him toward life and humor.

One of the long lasting effects of this terrible accident was the loss of his big toe.

No one would dispute this as a tragedy. A tragedy in need of socks. Which he refuses to wear. Closed toed shoes, anyone? Nope. Too hot in summer for shoes. Besides, I think he thinks it's cool to be missing a toe.

Anyway, he gives me grief about my toes. He is constantly telling me what ugly feet I have. Me. She who has been complimented by STRANGERS on her feet. Well, anyway, for the past decade or so we've been in a feud about whose feet are more attractive. Under normal circumstances, I would never insist to someone who is missing a toe that my feet are 'better'. But he won't let it go. He keeps insisting his are superior.

I've decided to let the viewing public decide!

The Oregon Trail

I'm headed to Oregon this morning to retrieve my uncle from his vacation. He's perfectly capable of driving himself, so it's left me wondering why he would get shuttled to and from Oregon by the women in his life. It's a partial feeling of dependence on his part. It's partially a "mother overdrive" on our part. Part is because they want to see him. Part is because I want to see them. And then there's the me-getting-out-of-town part that is probably taking up the lion's share.

I'm excited for a road trip. I'm excited to get my suitcase dusted off.

I'll be back Sunday night.

Floppy-Ear'd Menace

Her street name is Fenway. She may be a member of Al-Queida. Approach with caution.

She's been using terrorist tactics on us since Monday night. Noise pollution (barking every 20 seconds for hours on end), sleep deprivation (door scratching, whining, and 2 am bed trouncing), and shameless begging at dinner. She has a sock fettish, so there are random socks all over the house.

I owe her mother 12,000 hours of dog sitting. I'm hoping those are dog-hours.

She's mine until Friday.

Julia and Me

I had the opportunity to see the new Julie and Julia movie. I loved it. Women searching for who they are, trying to find their life and purpose. Women finding themselves in the kitchen, creating, exploring, enjoying, laughing......it spoke straight to my heart. The movie portrays these women in supportive relationships with the husbands who love them. It was sweet and funny and I loved it.

My mom surprised me with a new copy of the Julia Child cookbook right after I'd seen the movie. This is my first shot at creating one of her delicious recipes. Beef and Onions Braised in Beer. It was phenomenal. Absolutely delicious. It's the first in a long list of recipes I will attempt to recreate in my very own kitchen!

Bon Apetit!

Another One Bites the Dust

Another hub cap flew off my car. I have only one left. It's very distressing.